Archive for 28 Days Later

Post #85 – Stupid humans and their magic puppy powder…

Posted in dogs, Family, humor, nonfiction, true stories, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on January 24, 2013 by tenaciousbitch

I was cleaning out my medicine cabinet yesterday, and I found this flea and tick powder…

FLEA - TIC POWDER…that looked rather old. While searching for the expiration date, I happened upon these intelligent words on the back of the container:

Also works for lice – if a problem

Now, I ask you, when are LICE not a problem? LOL, um, when they’re dead and have been removed from one’s hair/fur/upholstery/carpet/clothing, etc.?

And when is the exact moment lice become an issue if not when merely squatting upon my beloved best friend according to the wise manufacturer of this wondrous powder for puppies? Is it in the event that said lice have decided to build a fire in the forest of Lassie’s fur?

Or is it when they get all settled in and start hooking up with each other and begin spawning their own FAMILIES? And then, you’ve got, not just a few vermin, but a regular zombie apocalypse of the LICE persuasion…okay, maybe not, but you GET the idea…:)

However, THEN, do the sleeper cells of your poison launch an attack on the unsuspecting lice? Or is it later when the lice have built condos and are electing local officials there upon the grasslands of our poor pooch’s pelt?

And now the poor beast is whining and scratching all night long, keeping us awake until the wee hours. At which point, many of newborn lice begin to migrate to the drapes, the couch and carpet, etc…and not even the industrial sized carpet cleaning/pest controlling promising cleansers/bombs can blast those tiny, disgusting parasites from your house…

I assume then, we must somehow INFORM the powder that YES, the lice have become a nuisance/aka a problem!

And how does this magical anti-flea/tick/lice remedy work, anyway? Must we utter a mystical incantation to COMMAND this crazy-assed, pest concoction to gank the stragglers among the lice community, or shall we just instruct the DOG to inform the flea powder, that, yes, in fact, the lice have become problematic?

Yes, Raven (our black lab) and Bear (our German Shepherd/Chow mix) I see you shaking your heads. But rolling your eyes? More effort than these clowns deserve.

Ah, but the answer is SIMPLE (not to be confused with the ANSWER to infection – ? don’t get that – go watch 28 DAYS LATER already). After all, everyone knows that lice hate hip hop. So, just crank up some Eminem, ‘Lil Jon, 50 Cent, Flo Rida, Pit Bull—whomever is your favorite.

And I guarantee, the suitcases will be snapping, and the lice be hauling their pesky presence elsewhere, maybe EVEN next door. And what better revenge if you don’t happen to like your neighbor or his rather mean-mouthed cat who occasionally poops in your prize-winning hibiscus? Am I right, or am I right?

Stupid humans. Think before you tattoo your ignorance across thousands of canisters of pet products to be jeered and laughed at – at a pet store near you…ah, well, I needed a good giggle…and Bear would be laughing too if he weren’t so OVER most of us damned homo sapiens anyway…

Lassie, Raven, Rover, Bear and I must go now…time to see what kind of brilliance might’ve been scrawled across their gourmet bag of kibble…or maybe, we’ll just take a nap…

Over and out from fucked up central…:)

TenaciousBITCH and her band of truth-spouting, Non-FDA/non-terrorist kind of people…

NOTE: All of the contents/material herein whether such has been written/drawn/stapled/copied and/or photographed by TenaciousBitch on http://www.tenaciousbitch.com has all been copyrighted by Tenacious Bitch and her alter ego, who shall remain nameless for the moment (or maybe, it’s Kennedy Smith).

© Tenacious Bitch 2013

Advertisements