Archive for December, 2012

Post #81 – Interesting what you find under the cat shit…

Posted in Family, family battles, humor, memoir, nonfiction, parenting, relationships, true crime, true stories, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 12, 2012 by tenaciousbitch

The banging on my office door rattled me, axing my train of thought. “What the fuck did you do to my room?” Screamed Max, my 20-year-old son, from the doorway.

“I was looking for forks,” I said acidly, annoyed by his tone.  “I tossed your dirty clothes on top of your hamper.  And I thought it might be a nice surprise if I found your wallet under that mess since you’d had such a bad day.”

His alarm hadn’t gone off-allegedly :), but I’ll bet he forgot to set it. At 6:30, he was dead to the world, yet he was supposed to be at work at 6 AM.

“And what did you take?” He bellowed.

I stared at him for a millisecond, not sure how to answer. “Oh, you mean, the bongs that are now buried in the trash outside under five pounds of cat shit?” I said, not taking my eyes off my computer because I so wanted this conversation to end.

“They’re bowls, at least get your fucking — and you had no FUCKING RIGHT!” he hollered, slamming a ball of knotted fist into the wall. My favorite photo of our German Shepherd, Bear, tumbled off my roll-top desk. Luckily, it didn’t break, landing on the soft, black carpet.

“It’s not even illegal to have those, and you’re going to  PAY ME if you broke them!”

“I will not,” I said calmly, so hoping he would go away and scream at someone else about what a bitch I am.

One corner of Max's room.

A cozy corner of Max’s hovel/room.

“You had no right! It’s my business what I do in there.”

“Not as long as we pay the mortgage, it’s not.”

“Why the fuck were you in my room anyway?”

“I told you. I was looking for FORKS, and since your paycheck didn’t come in the mail AGAIN, I was hoping, maybe, I’d find your wallet on the floor underneath all your clothes, and -“

“Yeah, right, really convenient.”

I just sighed. He lost his wallet (with $70 in it) last week after a concert, came home high as the day is long. How stupid of me trying to be nice. Let him drown in his own mistakes, the credo  of tough love, but it’s a bumpier road for the Moms than anyone realizes – especially when they’re-

“If you don’t pay me, I’ll just start stealing your SHIT!”

“Go right ahead,” I yelled. “And I’ll file charges against you, and with your record, God knows how much time you’ll get in County this time!”

Max served five days in jail a couple of years ago when his ex-girlfriend, Sienna, shoplifted some clothes from Walmart and hopped in his car, which made him an accessory.

“This is fucking bullshit, and what the fuck?! It was only a misdemeanor anyway!”

I shrugged and kept typing. I know, right? What’s wrong with me? Dear Lord, after 27 hours of labor and 20 years of this intermittent hell, can you make him go away? I’m on deadline, and what else can I say? Ashe*, his father, died when he was 38 because of an addiction to bacon (and cigarettes) for chrissakes after kicking his addiction to cocaine, a habit he developed while smoking weed…hence, my futile efforts to quash Max’s habit.

Ashe and our son, Max, when Max was 3 days old, May 23, 1992

Ashe and our son, Max, when Max was 3 days old, May 23, 1992

Though he might never graduate from Ganja, the anguish is unbearable when I ignore a bag of pot on his window sill or rolling papers in his jeans’ pockets. And yeah, he should be washing his own damned jeans. But I get tired of him waking me up stampeding all over the house at 5 AM trying to find clean clothes.

And why do I ignore the contraband? I’ve kicked him out twice, and nothing changed. I know from experience, that every bad habit he’s ever quit takes time. And he has to be ready to quit and realize it’s necessary. It took us from the time he was 8 years old until he was 15 to realize, he had to do his homework, or he was going to flunk out of school. And he went from making at least one D or F every grading period to making all A’s and B’s his junior and senior year of high school as well as making straight A’s twice.

When he loses a job because of his habit – or doesn’t get a job he really wants – or worst yet, back to lockup, he’ll quit. Until then, I may seem like the do-nothing parent, but I’m not. I’m just waiting for him to fall on his face because yelling at him, taking away his car, kicking him out is all me/my husband. And we’re just background noise. He needs that external smack-down before he’ll finally admit, it’s time to break up with the bong.

“You will pay me! I swear to fucking Christ!” He hollered, slamming the door, which emitted a really loud smack, resulting in a new crack in the door right by the door knob.

“When pigs fly,” I muttered just as the hailstorm of banging and stomping commenced about the house.  He was so loud – I could hear him over Nana’s** monitor in the back of the house, and her door was shut all day.

And for chrissakes, it’s not like I really had to look. All of his bowls were in plain sight on his bed, under his desk, and on the floor by the bed.

The forks in question...I’m tired of washing more dishes than necessary because HE doesn’t bring his plates, etc., downstairs for days at a time. And you’d think he was a hoarder by the way his room looks, but NO, he’s just too damned lazy to throw away his trash and clean his room! 🙂

Which brings me to the circular aspect of this problem. If he brought his dishes downstairs every day, I wouldn’t need to raid his room in the 1st place, and, yes, that is a photo of the six FORKS I confiscated over here>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I kept trying to work on one of my freelance projects when I got a text from my husband, Charlie, that said:

If I dig them out of the trash, can I give them back to him with the understanding that he CANNOT have that shit in our house again?

A ruse of diplomacy, bravo, Charlie.

Yes, I texted back. Feel free to crawl through the cat shit.

Sasha and her daughter, Samantha, whose shit was keeping company with Max's favorite toy...

Sasha and her daughter, Samantha, whose shit was keeping company with Max’s favorite toy…

Minutes later, Charlie, came upstairs. I heard the garage door opening just as Charlie walked into his office, adjacent to mine.

“Did you find his pretty little potty toys?”

Charlie laughed. “Yes, we did. He went to Aaron’s house, by the way. He’s staying the night.”

Moments after tossing his paraphernalia in the rubbish, I regretted it. He’d just buy new ones, leaving him less money for a new car and less to give us for what he owes for repairs to his first car, which we sold after he lost his job at Sears – right after his stint in the pokey.

But there’s no place for regrets when your life is all about potty toys and cat shit…:)

And that’s all I have to say about that because tonight, my life is more than a box of chocolate…it’s too frequently a box of shit…did I use the word SHIT enough in this communique? To-wit, I reply: SHIT NO…

Perhaps, if things don’t get better, I might have to turn Nana out to the nearest street corner. I’m sure there’s a market SOMEWHERE for cranky, 90+ year-old women with bad skin who hate sex, right?

Okay, so that’s my bad joke of the century…

Over and out from 420 CENTRAL…

TenaciousBITCH and her band of truth-kicking bandits, or something like that…

*Ashe, my 2nd husband was mentioned previously in Post #75 –

** For a rather amusing story about Nana, check out: ….


The BEST story about a book-signing ever! :)

Posted in BOOKS, true stories, Uncategorized, writing with tags , , , , , , , on December 4, 2012 by tenaciousbitch

I happened upon this post yesterday at:  and it brought tears to my eyes! Every writer’s nightmare is sitting in a bookstore alone during your first signing and not selling any books or even having anyone stop by your table, but one family member MADE SURE this did not happen to the author of Rag Doll Tales! God bless, TIPPY!

And given the nature of this book, I highly encourage ANYONE with children to buy it. My kids are a little too old for picture books, but I bought one for my future grandchildren who might not be born for ten years or more! 🙂

Congrats to Scribe 312!